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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26830075">In the Arms of the Angels</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancyFree2813/pseuds/FancyFree2813'>FancyFree2813</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Layers (originally named The Goofy Mountie Series [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>due South</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:27:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,392</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26830075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancyFree2813/pseuds/FancyFree2813</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is #4 in the Layers Series. Renfield and Kerri become even closer, but is there someone else?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Layers (originally named The Goofy Mountie Series [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In the Arms of the Angels</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the Arms of the Angels</p><p>As she walked down the jetway, Kerri didn't really notice that she was alone. When she entered through the cabin door and rounded the corner, she noticed vaguely that even though the gate area was full of travelers awaiting this flight, first class seemed to be quite empty. </p><p>"Good morning," the flight attendant who took her jacket and briefcase said. "Can I get you something to drink prior to take off?" </p><p>Kerri Ann Howard shook her head and sighed deeply. She thought she'd really like a scotch, straight up, and keep them coming. But technically she was back to work and so no, nothing to drink, thank you kindly. Thank you kindly . . . she had to bite her lip to reinforce the dam holding back a steady flow of tears. That dam was just about to burst.</p><p>"Are you traveling with us today for business, or pleasure?" The flight attendant smiled at her with what could easily have passed for genuine interest.</p><p>Kerri took her seat by the window and began the futile search of the terminal windows across the way. She did not turn to look at the woman standing in the aisle. "Business." A more matter of fact statement of the truth had never been uttered.</p><p>"Ah, then Chicago is home?"</p><p>"No." Even biting her lip was beginning to fail her. "Maybe, someday, but not yet," she whispered. Kerri continued to search the terminal windows for a last glimpse of him, but the angles were all wrong. The sunlight reflecting in the glass made the windows look like mirrors. All she could see was the reflection of this damn plane. Maybe, someday . . . soon. She clutched the red rose to her breast as she allowed the damn to break.</p><p>__________</p><p>Her plane left Chicago O'Hare Airport right on schedule. Just his luck, he couldn't get even an extra 10 minutes with her. Oh, of course, they both knew their idyllic two weeks would end, but did they have to end so darn soon?</p><p>He watched her plane taxi toward the runway, but as it joined the other myriad of aircraft awaiting clearance for take off, he lost track of which one was hers. He picked one at random, and watched as it ascended into the clouds. He sighed and asked the angels to watch over her. </p><p>As he took his solitary walk back to the consulate car, Constable Renfield Turnbull felt a crushing loneliness. The kind of desperate, aching separation that he had hoped he would never again experience. The kind of heartache that made it hard to breathe. But there was also hope at the very bottom of this well of heartache. He would see her again - in a month.</p><p>__________</p><p>After their declarations of love for each other, a mere two weeks prior, Renny and Kerri had been inseparable. He smiled at the memory. My goodness, had it only been two weeks? It felt to him as if they had been together for a lifetime. He knew her, body and soul. And he loved her. He laughed out loud. Once he had allowed himself to admit that, it had hit him with all the force of a tidal wave, and swept him around the world. And Kerri was right there with him.</p><p>As he inserted the key in the car door lock he turned to share a thought with her. The realization that she wasn't there struck him like a physical blow, stealing his breath away. She had reawakened a need in him, a need that he had forgotten. He would never have told her, but he was afraid he could not survive the month. </p><p>He would have to keep busy, and thank goodness, summer school started the day after tomorrow. He smiled as he thought of seeing the children again. Familiar faces, and new ones. Maria would be there; Matthew's family had moved away at the end of the school year, but not to Canada as the boy had hoped; Amber and Michael would be back. Renfield smiled deeply. So many wonderful things had happened to him in the last year.</p><p>He hesitated, deeply lost in thoughts of these past few months, and of the last two weeks. He could finally admit to himself that he was happy, happier than he had ever been!</p><p>A car's horn honking brought him tumbling back to reality. "Hey buddy, ya gonna move that car, or what? There ain't no utter place ta park in this whole friggin garage."</p><p>"Oh, yes, sorry. I'll have it moved in two shakes."</p><p>As Turnbull carefully backed the car out of it's place, the driver waiting for the spot understood. Canadian plates! No wonder the guy didn't talk English.</p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>Two weeks earlier:</p><p>Constable Turnbull and Ms. Howard returned to the Consulate late in the morning. She needed just a few minutes with Inspector Thatcher to report on her findings, prior to transmitting a written report to Ottawa and then they could be together, for a few days at least.</p><p>Inspector Thatcher and Constable Fraser happened to be looking out the window, discussing transplantation of certain rose bushes in the Consulate garden, when Turnbull and Kerri walked through the front gate. They both spotted the difference in Turnbull immediately. His whole demeanor had changed.</p><p>Thatcher almost gasped. He no longer looked like the clueless, Swiss cheese for brains Constable she had left in charge a week ago. Now he looked warm, and open, and passionate! She cleared her throat at the thought. Constable Renfield Turnbull . . . was passionate? Well, hmm, she'd have to reserve judgement on that.</p><p>Fraser smiled at the sight of Turnbull and Kerri. They were totally happy with each other, it was out in the open for all to see. Fraser was happy for them both, but especially Turnbull. And envious of his new found ability to express his inner most emotions so openly.</p><p>As he introduced Ms. Howard to Inspector Thatcher, Turnbull looked as if he were about to pop. Thatcher directed Ms. Howard to her office but turned back to her junior officer. "For goodness sakes, Turnbull, take a breath before something bursts!" She smiled as she whispered to him. And was that a wink? Oh dear. She closed her door before he could follow her in.</p><p>Turnbull paced the hall in front of Thatcher's office for a full 15 minutes before Fraser thought he might have to hog tie him to a chair. "Turnbull!" Fraser almost snapped at him. "Go make some tea, or boil some water! Do something! Do anything! You're acting like an expectant father." And making Fraser very nervous. "There's nothing to worry about, Inspector Thatcher will not eat Kerri alive, nor vice versa. They are both professional women, doing their jobs. Now, shoo!" Fraser was becoming slightly concerned, however. They had been in there an awfully long time.</p><p>Actually Inspector Thatcher and Ms. Howard had long since completed their business. Now Meg and Kerri were dancing around each other with pleasantries, skirting the issue both wanted to discuss, but neither wished to broach.</p><p>"I understand from Inspector Scott that you have requested a leave of absence?" </p><p>"Inspector Thatcher, we could be here all day and never really get to the point, don't you think? Why don't you just ask me what you want to know and I'll tell you, if I can."</p><p>Meg sighed, she didn't want to intrude, she really didn't, but she was, oh, so very curious about the change in her Constable. "Fraser tells me that you and Constable Turnbull, have . . . er . . . bonded?"</p><p>Kerri could only smile. Bonded. Well, that was a word she had not considered using to describe their relationship. "Well, yes, I guess you could say we . . . bonded." She sighed as she smiled at the other woman. "Actually Inspector . . . Meg, I have fallen in love with Renfield."</p><p>Meg breathed a large sigh of relief. She was overjoyed to know it was mutual. "It's obvious, from the look of him, that he feels the same way!"</p><p>Kerri smiled again. This woman obviously cared for Renny.</p><p>"Constable Turnbull has a, uh . . . special . . . place in the . . . uh, hearts of many of us. He is a very . . . unique . . . individual." How does one tell someone like Kerri, who loves him, that she often thought of Turnbull as a bumbling idiot? "He's . . . well, it's come to our attention that he . . . " Damn, she just couldn't seem to get the words out.</p><p>"He can be kind of goofy, at times? That's one of the things I love about him." She thought about the office of vacuum cleaner fame and blushed furiously. "But he's not nearly as clueless as he would have people believe."</p><p>Meg noticed her blush and wondered what exactly they had done . . . That was probably none of her business, but she could wonder. "I'm pleased that he seems to be so happy. I just . . . worry about . . . him . . . he can be very . . . sensitive."</p><p>Sensitive. That brought to mind a particularly sensitive spot on his . . . Kerri blushed again, and Meg laughed. "I think the two of you need to get out of here and enjoy your time together. Just don't . . . damage him! He does have to come back to work, you know."</p><p>Meg put her arm around the shoulders of the other woman as she walked her to the door. "I'm very pleased for both of you." And, as much as she hated to admit it, envious of their feelings for each other. Meg sighed as she walked out of her office.</p><p>Renfield saw Kerri the second she emerged from Inspector Thatcher's office. His smile broadened to from one ear to the other. It dimmed slightly, however, when he saw the Inspector. </p><p>"Two weeks, Constable."</p><p>"Pardon me?"</p><p>"Fraser and I will cover for you for two weeks. We owe you for conducting yourself - for making it possible for us to be away during the inspection. Two weeks of vacation time, and then back to work," she looked at Kerri and smiled, "in one piece."</p><p>"Sir?"</p><p>"Two weeks, Constable. That's an order. Now get out of here, you're interfering with business."</p><p>The ear to ear smile returned. "Thank you kindly, Sir." He grabbed Kerri's hand and all but ran out the door.</p><p>"That was a very kind thing to do, Sir." She hadn't been aware of Fraser's presence.</p><p>"Yes - well - it's so much easier around here without him - underfoot, don't you think?"</p><p>Renny and Kerri left the Consulate at a run. Kerri had rented a car, and they sped away in search of their future. After driving in a southerly direction for a few minutes, she turned to Renny and started to laugh. "Where the heck are we going?" </p><p>He frowned for a moment and then smiled. "Turn left up here." After a few more turns, then a left on Jackson and a right on Lake Shore Dr., they eventually arrived at the Alder Planetarium. </p><p>"Well it's the closet thing to moonlight I could think of, for this time of the month."</p><p>Sweet, sensitive, shy, clueless, passionate and romantic. Dear God, how she loved this man! After Kerri parked the car, she leaned over and kissed her Mountie. He thought briefly about forgetting the Planetarium and going directly to his apartment, but opted for what he hoped would be romance under the stars.</p><p>They spent the next hour or so watching the explosion of stars before their eyes. But not all of those explosions where cast on the ceiling of the Planetarium. After an hour of gently caressing each other, while staring at the ceiling, they were both overly ready to return to Renny's apartment.</p><p>Leaving the cool, dim building, Kerri was shocked at the world around her. It was hot, bright, and full of people, going about their daily routine. Cars and buses and trucks and taxis, all were driving helter skelter, to who knew where. Didn't they know, couldn't they feel that the entire world had changed? She wanted to scream at all of them, "Slow down! Stop! Look! Feel the world around you! It's beautiful here, it's a joy to be alive!" </p><p>Renny was staring at her in total confusion. "Kerri, you have the strangest look on you face! What in the world were you thinking about?" </p><p>"That I am going to break several laws and the land speed record getting to your apartment!"</p><p>An elderly couple passed them in the parking lot. The woman smiled at the exuberant young couple. She thought the man looked vaguely familiar, but no, that young man in the park had been with a different woman and several children. She almost asked George, but he wouldn't remember, he never noticed anything.</p><p>Kerri held true to her word and got them to his apartment in record time. It was a very good thing that Renny left his door unlocked because their mouths and hands were completely occupied as they arrived at his front door. He was reluctant to remove his hands from Kerri's hair, for even the moment it took to turn the doorknob.</p><p>They both stumbled into his apartment, and without breaking their kiss for even a moment left a trail of clothing from the front door, through the hall, and into his bedroom. By the time they reached his bed they were hot, from the heat of the day, and from the heat of passion.</p><p>Renny and Kerri spent the next two weeks in approximately the same manner. They explored Chicago during the day and repeated their hot, passionate love making every evening and night. They visited the Lincoln Park Zoo, where Kerri learned of Renny's lifelong fascination with giraffes, the Shedd Aquarium, The Museum of Science and Industry and the Navy Pier. Kerri did not forget her promise to Meg. She would not damage Renny, but she promised nothing about not wearing him out!</p><p>As the time grew closer for Renny to return to work Kerri knew that she too should get back to her examinations. She hated like hell to leave him, but she had to work, and that meant travel. She thought she had worked out a schedule that would allow her to return to Chicago every third or fourth weekend. She could have some time with him then. They'd see how that worked, and maybe in the near future they could figure out a more permanent arrangement.</p><p>Inspector Scott loved the idea. He wasn't completely blind, a beautiful woman like Kerri was bound to find love someday, he was actually surprised that it had taken her this long! To keep her on his staff he would bend over backward to accommodate her wishes. He wasn't totally dense either, he knew that someday, probably someday soon, she would request a position that required little or no travel. And he would lose her to another branch of the Agency. He hated to lose her, best damned examiner he'd ever had.</p><p>__________</p><p>Renny planned their last night together with the precision of the Normandy Invasion, and a week's pay. He set the table with candles and red roses, had Veuve Clicquot Champagne chilling in the ice bucket, Robert Mondavi Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon breathing on the counter, chateau briand in the oven, and Cherries Jubilee and Geweurtraminer wine planned for desert. He had also asked Ray come get Kerri, under the pretense that Ray needed her help picking out a gift for his mother.</p><p>He borrowed china, silver and crystal from his neighbor Mrs. Grove. She was a widow and as Renny had learned, an incurable romantic. She never used the things any more, she told him, and they needed to be put to good use. Use them with her blessings. She hoped that they brought him good luck.</p><p>__________</p><p>As Kerri walked up to his apartment, she was prepared to ask Renny to order a pizza. She was starving! Ray had dragged her to a million stores, and in the end bought nothing! And he refused to stop for something to eat. She liked Ray a lot, but right now wanted to shoot him for keeping her away from Renny on their last day together.</p><p>When she opened his door she was greeted with something akin to a fairyland. He had sprinkled the tablecloth with tiny golden stars, which sparkled and danced in the candlelight. The crystal glasses caught the same light and cast twinkling prisms across the walls. The china and silver gleamed and sparkled a message all their own. And Renny sparkled, and twinkled, and gleamed another message, all his own. Kerri just stood and gaped in wonderment.</p><p>"Welcome Ms Howard. I hope you approve of the ambiance?" He took one red rose from the arrangement on the table and presented it to her with a bow. When he looked into her eyes they were bright with tears. "Kerri, I'm so sorry, I certainly didn't mean to make you cry. What is it?"</p><p>His apology, and his sincere confusion, caused those tears to spill down her cheeks. She threw herself into his arms. "You . . . silly Mountie . . . I'm not upset, I'm thrilled." She sniffed and wiped the tears away. "Renny, this is the most thoughtful, touching thing anyone has ever done for me." She sniffed again and wiped even more tears away. "Do you know how much I love you?"</p><p>He nodded his head and smiled slightly. "As much as I love you, I think." He scooped up several golden stars and sprinkled then over her, as he drew a chair away from the table, and she sat down. "Not quite stardust, but close."</p><p>Kerri marveled at the wonderful table and wanted to ask him where and how, but she realized all she really needed to know was why. And she knew, just looking into his eyes, told her everything.</p><p>Renny was the most marvelous cook. And if she didn't know better, she would have thought he was trying to get her drunk! Champagne and two different kinds of wine. By the time they were done with dessert the golden stars glowed more brightly and the prisms on the walls had started to spin. When they got up to take their tea to the 'living room' Kerri realized she was quite tipsy.</p><p>Renny noticed she was a little wobbly and remedied the situation by picking her up and carrying her to the sofa, where he sat with his wonderful burden on his lap. Kerri had her arms around his neck and in about a minute she was asleep. </p><p>Oh, dear! This was not at all how he had intended the evening to end! He laughed to himself. Oh, well, it was his fault, after all. He was the one who served the wine! He would be content to sleep with her in his arms. Renfield rested his head against hers, but just before he dozed off, he smiled at the tiny golden stars in her hair. </p><p>Sometime later he awoke to the amazing sensation of Kerri's lips and tongue moving against his mouth, insistent that he let her in. He parted his lips slightly and sighed as her tongue began to dance inside his mouth. She tasted of wine and cherries and he thought he might just expire right there. What a way to go!</p><p>He felt her warm hand against his chest and vaguely wondered if he was still wearing his shirt. He couldn't feel anything, except Kerri's mouth and hands working miracles on his body. He opened his eyes wide as her hand continued its exploration. He broke their kiss reluctantly. </p><p>"Oh, no you don't. Them that gives gets! You did this once before and rendered me powerless. Two can play at this game, me lusty wench." </p><p>Kerri couldn't help but laugh! Who was this guy that she had awoken with her kisses, certainly not her sweet, romantic Renny! She expected him to yell 'shiver me timbers'.</p><p>He stood up with her still in his arms shifting her body so that she was now flung over his shoulder. Uh, oh! She remembered their 'lunch' in that office at the Consulate and remembered vividly just how - aggressive he could be. Uh, oh indeed!</p><p>They awoke in just enough time for Kerri to get ready to leave. Renny would drive her to the airport in the Consulate car.</p><p>As they walked ever so slowly to her gate, neither one of them spoke. They both were trying desperately not to cry, to save the other's feelings. When her flight was called, he handed her that single rose that he had presented her with last night. "Every time you look at this, think of me. And know that I will be thinking of you." </p><p>And so Kerri left Chicago, on her way to Seattle, then on to Vancouver, where she planned on visiting Renny's father, then to LA, and so on, and so on, and so on.</p><p>Clutching the rose even harder, she dreamed of seeing him again, in four weeks.</p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>Constable Turnbull's first day back at school was nothing short of heaven. He was Mister Mountie again. The children were thrilled to see him, even if it was only one day per week for a couple of hours. They still talked about their grand performance at the hospital and asked after Constable Fraser. And thank God, they seemed to have gotten over the memory of the actual accident.</p><p>He spotted her coming down the hall about two minutes after his first class. Susan Harris . . . West still looked like summer and reminded him so much of Melanie. Renfield smiled, and silently blessed Kerri. It was Kerri's doing, that he could now think of Melanie without pain and smile at the memory.</p><p>As Susan came nearer he became aware of a difference. Nothing obvious, just some slight - something. When she saw him she smiled and he knew. The light was gone from her eyes. She always had such a joyous light in her eyes. The lack was more noticeable the closer she came.</p><p>"Renfield, welcome back! You look wonderful!" She smiled as she took his hand in hers.</p><p>"How are you Ms. Harris? Oh dear, I apologize, Mrs. West!" He caught the slight cringe. That was another gift from Kerri, he had always been sensitive to the feelings of others, but she had reawaken his passion to care. "Mrs. West, uh, Susan, are you all right? You seem a little, if I might be so bold, downhearted."</p><p>Her smile faded. "Renfield, could I talk to you after school? I sort of, well, I just . . . need someone to talk to."</p><p>"Of course, as you wish. Would you care for coffee at O'Doherty's? It should be quiet at that time of day. I'll see you there at 3:30."</p><p>Susan smiled at him. "It's a date."</p><p>Renfield frowned slightly, but completely forgot about her words as Maria came around the corner. "Mister Mountie! We don't have casts anymore!" They both laughed as she grabbed his hand and led him into the classroom.</p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>When Renfield arrived at the restaurant, at precisely 3:30, Susan was already waiting for him. Her countenance brightened considerably when she saw him. </p><p>"You really are looking wonderful, Renfield. Things must be going very well for you." Renfield began to interject, but Susan continued. "I think that my marriage to Doug was a big mistake." </p><p>Renfield was so shocked he had no response. She looked as if she was about to break down and it tore at his heart.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just dump it on you like that. You're the first person I've told and I thought I might die if I didn't get it out. Although, it's hard to admit you made a complete fool of yourself, and after such a short amount of time."</p><p>Renfield ordered tea for both of them and after the waitress walked away turned back to Susan. To her complete surprise he took her hand in his and looked deeply into her eyes. "Susan, you are definitely not a fool! Please tell me about it." </p><p>He spoke with such emotion. He had certainly changed. He had always been a dear man, compassionate, but slightly distant and definitely shy. Now she saw an openness about him and a new depth of compassion. She felt like she could share her innermost feelings with him and not be ashamed. </p><p>"Susan, please?"</p><p>She sighed deeply. "Doug and I met when we were at Northwestern. We had dissimilar backgrounds, but I guess we just 'clicked'. After we graduated I started teaching immediately and he went on to law school. After he graduated he landed a position with a large firm here in Chicago and it looked like our lives were just beginning. We talked about kids, and houses, and expensive cars. I didn't care so much for the houses and cars, but I thought he wanted those things, so I did too.</p><p>"After about a year I began to notice slight changes in him. He didn't talk about wanting kids so much any more. He was more interested in the 'things', the houses and cars. He said that kids could wait until we could afford to bring them up with all the things he'd never had.</p><p>"Right after we were married, out of the blue, he suggested that I go back to school and take some additional classes, so I could teach English at any college I chose. I thought he was kidding, I really did. Teaching children is all I've ever wanted to do in my entire life. He knew that!</p><p>"Now he says that the wife of a successful attorney should not be teaching snotty nosed brats! He actually said that!" Susan began to cry, whether from anger or sorrow, Renfield could not tell.</p><p>"Susan, I'm sure he didn't mean it. Teaching children is the most sainted of callings. There is nothing more important in our society than nurturing and directing young people on the right path." He squeezed her hand. "Susan, look at me." She reminded him so much of Melanie her tears caused his heart to break. He offered her what he hoped was a brotherly smile. "You need to talk to him, tell him how much your career means to you." Renfield could not imagine any man being able to resist those lovely eyes. So much like Melanie's . . . He suddenly realized holding her hand for this long was entirely inappropriate and released it immediately.</p><p>They finished their tea and came to the end of their conversation. "I'll talk to him, but I'm afraid it won't work." Susan smiled at him as they parted company outside the restaurant. "Thank you for the advice, Renfield."</p><p>"If you need anything, please let me know." He wrote a number down on a small piece of paper. "I just had a phone installed, so my, uh, friends could reach me more easily. If you need to talk please call." He could not determine why he had not told Susan about Kerri. There was no way for him to know it now of course, but he would later live to regret that omission, a great deal.</p><p>Later that same evening his phone rang. He immediately sprang for it, anxious just to hear Kerri's voice. "Hello?" His excitement and anticipation had his heart thundering in his chest. "Oh, yes. Hello, Susan." His thundering heart went crashing through the floor. "No, that's perfectly all right. What's wrong?" He could tell she was terribly upset. "No, come over here, right now. Do you want me to come and get you?" How could any man make this lovely woman cry? "No, you come, right now, I insist! If you don't, I'll come and get you. Susan, please, I will meet you down stairs in ten minutes."</p><p>Renfield stared at the phone for exactly 8.5 minutes, before he ran down the stairs. </p><p>He just missed Kerri's call. </p><p>Susan's taxi pulled up in front of his building just as he walked outside. And even though she tried her best to hide it, her swollen eyes spoken volumes. He put his arm around her shoulders and gently urged her up the stairs.</p><p>Renfield led Susan into his apartment and made her comfortable on the sofa. He knelt beside her and took her face in his hands. "Shh, don't cry. Just tell me what happened."</p><p>"I told him . . . how much I loved my . . . the children. I told him . . . I wasn't interested in teaching . . . at the college . . . level. He . . . he said that . . . teaching was teaching . . . and that . . . it was . . . de . . . demeaning for him . . . to have a wife that taught . . . kindergarten. He knows . . . I don't teach kindergarten! I tried to explain . . . but he just . . . just got me . . . all confused. I felt . . . felt like I was being . . . cross examined . . . in my own home!"</p><p>Renfield drew her into his arms and held her while she cried. "Shh, it will be all right." He whispered into her hair. Dear god, she even smelled like Melanie. "Maybe he's right, teaching college is also a noble calling. You--"</p><p>She pushed away from him soundly. "I will not be condescended to! I love my job and I am damn good at it! There is no reason for me to change, just to satisfy that man's ego!"</p><p>"He may make you choose between him and your career. Are you prepared to sacrifice him for your 'children'? Give up the man you love for your career?" He thought he knew the answer, but wondered if she did.</p><p>Susan stood and began to pace the small room. "Renfield, I grew up in a very privileged environment. But my parents taught me that it was necessary to give something back. I never had brothers or sisters and I always missed that. I have a talent with children and love to be around them. Doug knows all of this, has known it for as long as he has known me. If he can't live with that, then it's him who is giving me up, not the other way around." She wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at him. The light was slowly returning. She put her arms around him and hugged him tightly, just as the phone rang.</p><p>Susan pulled back slightly to allow him to respond to the insistent ringing. But Renfield didn't move. "Who ever it is will call back." The last person in the world that he could talk to right now was Kerri, not with a distraught woman in his arms. Kerri would just have to call back.</p><p>He continued to hold Susan until he felt her relax in his arms. He held her away from him and looked into her eyes. Her look of resolve caused him to smile, and without thinking, he kissed her on the forehead. He drew back in profound surprise. "Oh, dear! I must apologize. I am so very sorry."</p><p>Susan smiled at him sweetly and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'm not. Thank you Renfield, for being here for me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kindness. It means a great deal to me."</p><p>After he ensured that she was emotionally capable of returning home, he called a taxi for her. As they stood waiting on the sidewalk, Renfield turned to her. "If you need someone to listen again, you'll call? Any time, I'm here to listen." He went on without hesitation. "I know what it's like to be forced to let go of someone you love. A failed marriage is not quite as final as death, but the end result is rather similar. One way or the other, you end up alone."</p><p>She was shocked that he could speak of his wife. The last time Susan had mentioned her he had shut down completely. Yes, Renfield had changed, and she liked this new Renfield, even more than the former shy Mister Mountie.</p><p>He stood and watched as the taxi receded farther and farther into the darkness. He prayed that Susan was doing the right thing. He slowly climbed the stairs thinking about St Luke's School without Susan. No, that probably would not happen. Susan West would leave, but Susan Harris would stay.</p><p>As Renfield reached the top of the stairs, he heard his phone ringing. But, even running faster than he had ever run in his life, he did not get to it in time. All he got for his effort was an irritating dial tone. The caller had given up. </p><p>Kerri hung up with a sigh. Today was his first day back to school and she had wanted so much to hear how it went. She smiled deeply as she thought of the way his face lit up when he talked about 'his' children. She felt as if she knew each one of them personally: Maria and her favorite, Mister Mountie; Matthew, who wanted to move to Canada, so he could be a Mountie, just like Renny; Amber and her bologny samiches. They sounded like wonderful kids, especially the way he described them.</p><p>She missed not being able to say good night to him. How she wished he had an answering machine, at least that way she could tell him where she was. She looked at the few stars she could see from her hotel room and wished Renny a good night. </p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>Renfield didn't know that Kerri's plans had been unexpectedly changed. He thought she was on her way to Seattle, but as soon as she arrived she received word to go right on to San Diego. She never minded these changes, one office looked the same as any other. Except Chicago, of course. Chicago was heaven on earth for Kerri.</p><p>Once she had settled into her hotel room she logged on to the Internet to check out points of interest. It had been a long time since she had been here and she needed to keep busy. The first thing that caught her eye gave her a wonderful idea. Tomorrow evening she was going to go to the zoo.</p><p>As she was preparing for bed, her phone rang. Her heart skipped about four beats before she realized it couldn't be Renny, he didn't know she was in San Diego. She answered with little enthusiasm.</p><p>"Kerri, Inspector Scott here."</p><p>"Inspector Scott, isn't it awfully late for you to be calling? Is something wrong?"</p><p>"Well, I guess that depends your point of view." She thought she heard him snicker. "Myles Dewey has had an accident. Damn fool fell off a ladder in the basement of the New York Embassy, broke his leg, and will be out of commission for a couple of months. How would you like to go to Baltimore next week? I . . . ah . . . realize it would mean traveling all . . . the . . . way . . . back across the states . . . and you'd probably have to change planes in, oh . . . Minneapolis or . . . maybe Chicago. I realize that it would be a major incon--"</p><p>Kerri almost jumped through the phone. "Oh no, Sir. It would be my pleasure to help you out, any way I can. Of course I'll go. Good night Sir." Poor Myles, God bless him!</p><p>The person in the hotel room directly below Kerri wondered if they might have rented the room above to a herd of elephants. Either that or someone was jumping up and down all over that room.</p><p>When Inspector Scott hung up the phone, he laughed out loud. Then patted himself on the back. Good job Scott, unless, of course she decides to never leave!</p><p>The next evening Kerri strolled around the San Diego Zoo. Her mind wasn't on the flamingos, or the polar bears, or the tigers however. She was planning her surprise visit to Renny. She strolled along, rather oblivious to her surroundings, smiling to herself. Other visitors to the Zoo probably would have thought she was slightly demented, if they had bothered to look. She continued to be oblivious, until she wandered in to the Zoo Store. Oh, my God! There it was! Exactly what she needed to make her surprise complete! She had come eye to - ah - neck with a 6 foot tall stuffed giraffe!</p><p>The only problem of course, was how the heck was she going to get the darn thing back to Chicago. Well, she'd worry about that in five days. She couldn't help herself, she began to giggle. The kid that helped her carry the darn thing to her car did notice and he did think that she was slightly demented.</p><p>The darn giraffe sat in her hotel room for the next five days. It had become rather a joke around the San Diego Marriott, as it had almost scared the life out of Maria Sanchez, the newest chambermaid on staff. She had walked into Kerri's darkened room, and when she opened the curtains, the first thing she saw was a wild animal, about to devour her! For the rest of the week Maria refused to enter room 3533.</p><p>The night before she was scheduled to leave, Kerri finally got a hold of Ray. "For a cop, you sure are hard to track down!"</p><p>"Hiya, Kerri. What's up?"</p><p>"I need some help surprising Renny. Will you help me?"</p><p>"Well . . . I dunno. The last time I tried ta help one of ya, you almost killed me!"</p><p>Kerri laughed, he was right, and now she was asking him for another favor. Ray was certainly a good friend, to both of them. "Oh, come on Ray, please? It'll be fun. I'm coming in to town tomorrow night and I'm going to need some help carrying something."</p><p>Ray had never been known to say no to a beautiful woman. "He doesn't know yer comin?" Oh, this would be too good to miss. "Sure, I'll be there."</p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>The next time Renfield saw Susan it wasn't at school, it was at his front door. And she had brought dinner.</p><p>"Surprise!"</p><p>"Susan, I--"</p><p>"I hope you like Chinese. It was the only thing I could think of other than burgers, which I personally hate." She brushed by the startled man and into his apartment.</p><p>His reaction caused her to rethink her intrusion. "Renfield, is this okay? I mean, maybe I should have called? I just wanted some company, and thought of you. I'm sorry, maybe I should go, I didn't mean to intrude. I'll--"</p><p>As she started toward the door, he grabbed her arm. "Please, don't go! You just surprised me, that's all. Besides, you can't just take that wonderful food away after waving it under my nose!"

</p>
<p>She smiled, that so much like Melanie's smile, and it warmed his heart.</p><p>They ate their sweet and sour pork, chow mein and egg rolls and talked about 'their' children. They had determined the possible futures of about ten 6 year olds before the food ran out. Renfield thought it was a good thing that it was gone, because if he ate any more he would burst.</p><p>He made them some tea and they sat in companionable silence. Renfield was put in mind of a time many years ago. After they were married, but before Meghan was born. He and Melanie had been shopping and arrived home very late, so they had Chinese delivered. That was something they very rarely did, Melanie always insisted on cooking all their meals. She was determined to prove to him that she was the better cook!</p><p>Without conscious thought, Renfield began to stroke Susan's hand. She was mildly surprised, but took this as her cue and moved against him, finding his mouth with hers. He deepened their kiss momentarily, but then jumped away from her in shock. Bringing himself quickly to his feet he turned back to her, a look of horror on his face.</p><p>"Oh, dear, Susan, please forgive me! I am so sorry for--"</p><p>"Please don't apologize Renfield. We've done nothing wrong. I know I'm married, but that won't be for long. Please, I just want you to hold me." She reached out for him, and in one achingly slow movement he drew her in to his arms.</p><p>He held her briefly breathing in her fragrance and then sought her mouth with his. </p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>As he arrived at the airport, Ray had no clue what he was getting himself in to, until he saw Kerri walking off the plane. Actually, he didn't see Kerri as much as he saw a - giraffe? What the hell? A giraffe? And Kerri was carrying it, actually she was sort of walking it. </p><p>"Kerri, what - why - who--?"</p><p>"Ray, can you carry this darn thing for me? Thanks." </p><p>So Ray was stuck holding the bag - er, giraffe. He decided not to ask any more questions. He really didn't want to know.</p><p>Now the next problem was where, or more precisely how, to get the darn thing in his car. After a few grunts and groans, and more than his far share of four-letter words, Ray finally got the darn thing in the car. It actually fit rather nicely, thank you, if you didn't mind driving up I-294 with a giraffe head hanging out the window. Kind of like a dog, with ears flapping in the breeze. "If any one I know sees this, I'll never live it down. And if Fraser sees it, well, you'd better pray he doesn't!"</p><p>"Thank you kindly, Ray." </p><p>He looked sideways at her, and they both began to laugh.</p><p>Traffic was terrible and it seemed to Kerri that they would never get there. "Would ya calm down? Yer drivin me nuts! We'll get there." God, it had been less than two weeks since she'd seen him! What would she do if it had been any longer? Probably self-combust, or one of those other Fraserisms.</p><p>"Sorry, Ray. I just anxious to see him."</p><p>He grinned at her with something akin to a leer. "I'll just bet you are!"</p><p>More grunts and groans and only a couple of four letter words freed the darn thing from its seat in the back of the GTO. The only way to get the darned giraffe to Renfield's apartment was for Ray to carry it. But Ray really didn't want to go up with her. He felt like one of them voyager guys, that got their kicks watching other couples get it on. But he'd come this far and kind of wanted to see the look on Turnbull's face when he saw Kerri.</p><p>She turned to him just before she opened the door. The sight of Ray with that darn giraffe made her giggle. She hoped Renny didn't think her gift was as silly as it looked right now! "Thanks, Ray. I appreciate--"</p><p>Kerri and Ray stood in the open doorway gaping at the sight of Renfield in a passionate embrace with a woman they could not see. It was several long moments before Ray finally regained his composure enough to clear his throat to announce their presence. Renfield broke their kiss, but continued to hold Susan in his arms as he looked up. The sight of Kerri staring at him caused the high color in his cheeks to drain totally away. Renfield released Susan to stand at his side.</p><p>The embarrassed silence seemed to stretch on forever. Susan did not understand what was happening, but realized that something was very wrong. She was the first to speak.</p><p>"Hello, Ray." She smiled at Ray and then turned to Kerri. "I'm Susan West. Renfield and I are--"</p><p>Kerri and Renfield had not broken eye contact. But she spoke softly to Ray. "Could you please take me back to the airport? It appears that I should have called prior to just dropping in." She broke their gaze as she turned her back on them. "It won't happen again." Kerri was out of the room before any of the others could react. </p><p>Ray gave Turnbull a 'what the hell?' look, dropped the damned giraffe by the door and ran after Kerri.</p><p>Renfield moved to follow them, but Susan grabbed his arm. "Renfield, wait. Who was that? I don't understand . . . "</p><p>He just stood, staring at the door in disbelief, feeling as if someone had kicked his world out from under his feet. "That was Kerri. But now she's gone . . . "</p><p>He walked into the tiny kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. Susan could see his hands shaking as he began to drink. "Renfield, are you okay? Please tell me what just happened? Who was that woman with Ray?"</p><p>"Susan . . . I . . . I . . . I needed a little time alone. Do you mind?"</p><p>"Renfield, are you all right? I'm sorry, I . . . I didn't mean to . . . I'll call you later, just to check in?"</p><p>He nodded. "That's probably best. I'll see you in a few days. Susan? If you need anything, please let me know?" </p><p>He walked to the couch as the door closed softly behind her. He was alone, truly alone. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed.</p><p>As he drove her back to the airport Ray tried to watch Kerri out of the corner of his eye. What the hell had just happened? Jeez, he thought, all I was doin' was givin' a friend a lift. And then the world exploded. One of the few things he had been positive of was that Turnbull was hopelessly in love with Kerri. The goofy Mountie had changed, but he was almost obsessive about how he felt about her!</p><p>But there he was, kissing Susan West. Another woman! Another, married woman! What the hell? There had to be something else going on here. He knew he needed to say something, but what? </p><p>Kerri continued to stare out the car window. Ray saw her trembling hand brush the hair out of her eye. And then he saw the tears. Damn! He slammed his hands into the steering wheel, and turned sharply into the parking lot of a grocery store.</p><p>"Ray, what--"</p><p>"We have ta go back. You two need ta talk. Ya can't leave--"</p><p>"I won't ever go back there, Ray. Renfield has made a choice and I will accept that." Her voice was soft, but the tone was firm and full of resolve.</p><p>"What? I thought ya loved him! How can ya just leave?" Of all the stupid things he'd ever heard, this was the stupidest! Damn Canadians!</p><p>"I do love him. But I told him once that if he couldn't return my love I'd understand." She tried desperately to hide the hurt in her voice but it came through loud and clear to Ray.</p><p>He just didn't know what to say. He liked Susan. She had been by Turnbull's side all through the aftermath of his accident. But he had also seen what Kerri had done for Turnbull. The guy just came to life around her. Damn!</p><p>They drove the rest of the way to the airport in silence. As he pulled to the curb to drop her off, she hesitated. "Ray, will you promise me something?" She bit her lip very hard. "Continue to look out for him? You and Benton? He doesn't always . . . he's not . . . Well, you know." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.</p><p>When she pulled back she smiled. "Thanks Ray . . . for everything."</p><p>At this moment Ray wanted to look out for Turnbull all right. Look out for him with a right cross on that goofy Mountie's chin.</p><p>__________</p><p>Kerri decided as soon as she walked into the terminal that she was not going on to Baltimore. She was going home. She smiled. In all the time she had been traveling for the RCMP she had changed her plans for personal reasons only once. Until she met Renfield, that is. Oh well, they could sue her. Oh, no, that was the Americans that were sue happy!</p><p>Her flight to Edmonton was actually leaving sooner that the one she had scheduled to Baltimore. That was amazing, these things just never happened. But that was good, the inside of this airport held no fascination for her today.</p><p>__________</p><p>Ray drove back toward town in a daze. What the hell was he supposed to do? He wouldn't interfere. They were his friends, he couldn't interfere. They were stupid but they were his friends, no he shouldn't interfere. "Ta hell with woulda, coulda, shoulda!" he yelled.</p><p>He made a screeching u-turn in the middle of Madison and sped back to Turnbull's apartment.</p><p>Ray pounded on Turnbull's door. There was no way he was just going to walk in. He doubted that he would just walk in to someone's place, ever again. On about the third pound Turnbull opened the door.</p><p>Ray had considered punching the Mountie, until he saw his face. Turnbull's eyes were bright with tears, his face distorted in agony.</p><p>"Ray." He acknowledged Ray's presence, but little else. He just left Ray standing in the doorway and walked back into the room.</p><p>"Can I come in? Thanks, don't mind if I do. Turnbull, what the hell's goin on here?" No beating around the bush for Ray.</p><p>"Kerri wasn't supposed to come back for another two weeks." The sorrow in his voice caused Ray's heart to sink to his knees.</p><p>"Well, she's not ever gonna come back again, unless you got a pretty damn good reason for what was goin on in here." A guy could hope . . . "You do have a good reason, right?"</p><p>Turnbull just shook his head in despair. "She reminds me so much of Melanie. She loves our children. She's wanted to teach . . . "</p><p>"Wait a minute! Whose children, and who's Melanie, and who the hell are ya talkin about?" Ray had come here to talk about Kerri and as usual Turnbull had confused the hell out of him. Oh, damn, Melanie was his . . . </p><p>"Susan's marriage is breaking up. She wanted a shoulder to cry on."</p><p>"From the look of it she got a whole lot more than a shoulder."</p><p>"She was going to Vancouver, to visit my Father."</p><p>Okay, the guy's drifting way off center here. "Turnbull, who was goin ta Vancouver, Melanie?"</p><p>"Kerri."</p><p>Geez. Ray rubbed his hands through his hair. "Turnbull, buddy, focus for me here. Tell me why ya was doin the lip lock waltz with Susan, married Susan." He took Turnbull's arm and led him gently over to the sofa. The old clueless Mountie was rapidly coming back and Ray was scared for him. He ran to the kitchen for a glass of water, and made Turnbull drink it. "Now tell me, slowly, why Susan was here."</p><p>He looked at Ray with the most pitiful puppy dog look Ray had ever seen. "Kerri?"</p><p>"We'll get ta her in a minute. Tell me why Susan was here."</p><p>"I'm sorry I hurt her." Ray had no idea if he meant Kerri, Susan, or Melanie. He was pretty sure he didn't mean the Man in the Moon, but only because the Man in the Moon wasn't a her. Argh!</p><p>"She was here because her marriage isn't working out, he wants her to quit teaching." Ray was almost sure Turnbull was referring to Susan. He watched as the Mountie began to rebuild himself. He could see more confidence by the minute.</p><p>"She reminds me so much of Melanie. Not just physically, even her thoughts and dreams. I guess I've always known it, I could just never . . . admit it to myself. It's like having her back again, you know?" His eyes pleaded with Ray to understand, and God help him he did. All Ray had ever wanted was that second chance with Stella.</p><p>"Well buddy, it seems like ya got a problem. Ya love two women, and it looks like they love you. Though fer the life a me I can't figure out why! Some guys would die ta be in yer shoes. Me, I'd rather be dead. Ya know ya gotta make a decision."</p><p>"I don't know what to do, Ray." That pitiful puppy dog look was back again.</p><p>"Hell, don't look at me! Me n' love's a lot like oil and water. You can mix us up, but eventually we split."</p><p>Turnbull laid his head on the back of his sofa and closed his eyes.</p><p>"I've been thinking about Melanie a lot lately. I tried to forget for so many years. She didn't deserve that."</p><p>"Can ya tell me about her?" He'd seen Turnbull through a bad time before, maybe he could help again.</p><p>"She was the first woman I ever loved. And she was the only woman I ever wanted to love. Kerri changed that." He paused for a very long time.</p><p>"You was talkin bout Melanie."</p><p>"I met her in college. We were both studying to be teachers. She loved children. We were married about six months after we met. She was a beautiful person."</p><p>Even the choppy description warmed Ray's heart. Yep, the big guy had come a long way. A few short months ago he couldn't even bear to hear her name. They couldn't let him go back to being the clueless Mountie.</p><p>"Meghan was born about a year after we were married. She was a real terror!" He laughed at her memory. "Almost from the moment she was born, she knew how to play me! Melanie used to chastise me for spoiling her, but I just couldn't deny her anything." He sobered noticeably. "The driver was never found. All those witnesses, and they never caught him. Even I couldn't . . . "</p><p>Ray put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Is that why you became a Mountie?"</p><p>Renfield climbed out of the depths of his memories long enough to acknowledge Ray's question.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Ray continued to give him the support of his hand on his shoulder, while Turnbull worked up the courage to proceed. "After . . . after the . . . accident I wanted to kill the driver. The anger consumed me. I couldn't work. I pushed everyone away. Drove the Provincial Police crazy. One officer finally told me that if I thought I could do a better job, then I should do it." He sighed deeply. "So I did . . . Only I couldn't. I was a less than stellar officer, the only thing I cared about was finding that driver."</p><p>"How'd ya end up here?"</p><p>Renfield looked at Ray like he just realized he was in the room. "After about a year I was transferred. Away from Vancouver, and away from any chance of finding . . . I just kind of shut down, you know?"</p><p>Turnbull would have to trust him on this one, everyone knew he had shut down. </p><p>"They kept transferring me all over the country, hoping they would find a place where I fit in. Chicago is just the latest in a long line of postings."</p><p>Ray squeezed the bigger man's shoulder. "Ya fit in here just fine!"</p><p>Renfield looked at his friend and smiled. "Thank you, Ray."</p><p>"Yeah, well, everyone of ya Canadians are freaks. But you already know that."</p><p>"Ray, I need some time alone, to think. Do you mind?"</p><p>Ray wasn't at all sure that was such a good idea. "I dunno. Ya sure yer okay to be by yerself?"</p><p>This wasn't the first time that Ray's concern for him had deeply touched Renfield. "I really appreciate your concern Ray. I just need to sort out some things."</p><p>"Well at least you've gotta phone. Call if ya need anything."</p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>Ever since Renfield was a small child, whenever he was nervous or upset, he cleaned things. His father used to worry about it sometimes, but things always needed cleaning around the bakery, so he just let the boy clean.</p><p>Now Renfield's small apartment was so clean, it squeaked. If he were to scrub the stove one more time he would rub the enamel right off. Even the dust mites had taken up residence elsewhere. There was just nothing left to clean.</p><p>So, he started all over again. He carted curtains, rugs, and his bedspread down to the basement laundry, and when they were through, he carted them back up again. Even though he had done exactly the same thing yesterday, he reminded himself that cleanliness was next to . . . well, to something or other.</p><p>He had a little trouble with the vacuum. But he swallowed the memories than had risen, like so much bile, in his throat, and vacuumed the carpet for the fifth time in two days. The physical exertion of moving the limited amount furniture helped take his mind off of his problems, briefly.</p><p>He was about to vacuum the sofa cushions when he noticed something that could not possibly have been there before. He stared at the small object for a very long time, before he bent to pick it up. He held it in his hand and stared even longer. He wasn't seeing the small object, or even his hand. He was seeing the past and making a decision.</p><p>Renfield knew what he had to do. He loved her and wanted her to know. But she would have to make the choice, and he would have to live with it.</p><p>Renfield found Susan in the Teacher's Lounge the next morning. There were an infinite number of things he needed to tell her, and he needed to say them soon. "Susan, I need to speak with you, privately."</p><p>She smiled at him with that same sweet smile that had always warmed his heart. "How about your classroom? There's no one in there right now."</p><p>After they entered the classroom and closed the door, Susan took his hand. "Is every thing okay, Renfield? You looked so upset the other night, and I couldn't reach you this weekend." Hoping her news would cheer him up she continued, "I've decided to get my own apartment. Doug and I are separating."</p><p>"Please don't use me as your excuse."</p><p>That was certainly not the response she had expected. "I don't understand."</p><p>"Susan, you and your husband are having problems. But I think that you are running away from those problems, rather than dealing with them. And I happened to be a little too convenient and . . . well, vulnerable. I'm sorry if I led you to believe that there could be anything between us. I thought, once, that there could be, but I am in love with someone else."</p><p>Susan looked into his eyes and knew he was serious. "The woman who came to your apartment with Ray?" He nodded. "It certainly would have helped if you had told me."</p><p>"I am so sorry. The omission was not intentional. I've spent a lot of time trying to determine why I didn't tell you about Kerri and I honestly don't know. Maybe I thought it in some way might hurt you." He looked around at his classroom, it so reminded him of all the things that had happened to him since he first came to Chicago. "If that is the case, it seems that I miscalculated. In trying to protect you, I have hurt the two women that mean more to me than anyone else. I am so sorry."</p><p>Renfield looked so dejected that Susan could only smile. He certainly had changed. It was really too bad, actually. Saying goodbye to the old Renfield wouldn't have been easy, but saying goodbye to the new and improved version would be very hard.</p><p>"Does she return your feelings?"</p><p>Renfield hung his head. "I hope so, but I'm not sure anymore."</p><p>"You mean after she saw us, together?" Susan sighed and took his hand again. "Renfield, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do? I could talk to her, or write--"</p><p>So much like Melanie he couldn't help but hug her. "You need to put all your effort into saving your marriage." He pulled back from her and kissed her on the forehead.</p><p>"You better be careful, you know where that could lead!" She squeezed his hand. "You're a good man, Renfield Turnbull, and you deserve the best. Tell her I said so!"</p><p>"She is the best. And so are you. Thank you kindly, Susan."</p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p>Kerri's house was on a quiet tree lined street in an older section of Edmonton. The neighborhood looked like many other urban neighborhoods across North America, as if it had once been affluent, but had fallen into a state of neglect and disrepair. Some of the houses looked as if they had recently found someone to love them and had been returned to their former glory. Others looked sad and unloved. Kerri's fell somewhere between the two, sad to be in disrepair, but happy to be occupied.</p><p>The yard had been properly cared for, but the house was in desperate need of paint. Renfield smiled slightly, he would love to paint it with her. He stood on the sidewalk staring up at the small house. One call to Ottawa had informed him that she was here. But he didn't know if she was here now, and even if she was, if she'd see him. He forced himself up the walk before he could change his mind.</p><p>The front door was open and as he raised his hand to knock on the screen door he smelled an aroma from childhood. She was baking a cherry pie! Oh my, did that take him back! The bakery during the summer was always hot and uncomfortable, but the smell of cherry or apple pies or strudels baking was delightful. This house reminded him of his childhood, and it smelled like home! He let himself hope that maybe . . . </p><p>Kerri didn't leave the kitchen to answer the knock at the door. "Come in Tommy, I've got my hands full. Just leave the flour on the table." She was standing with her back to the kitchen door and didn't see him come in.</p><p>In the past week she had been a flurry of activity. She had had to fill every waking moment, and she'd had plenty of them, with some sort of mindless activity. Anything to keep her mind off Constable Turnbull. She couldn't bear the pain of even thinking the name 'Renny'. </p><p>Although she had a neighbor couple tend to the house while she was traveling, she still found several days worth of activity, just cleaning and rearranging furniture. When the escape into cleaning began to fail her, she started to cook. When she finally ran out of new recipes to try, she began to bake. Now she had run out of flour. But she didn't even want to stop her furious activity long enough to drive to the market. Driving wasn't nearly mindless enough. </p><p>"I'm not Tommy, but may I come in?" </p><p>Kerri turned to stare at him, but did not speak.</p><p>"Hello, Kerri." He could barely get the words out. He ached to wrap his arms around her, and just hold her. She looked so completely adorable, with flour on her nose. But she still did not speak.</p><p>"I truly wish you would say something. I can't--"</p><p>"Renfield, why are you here?" The lack of emotion in her voice almost caused him to lose his nerve.</p><p>"To help with the pies?" When she didn't even smile he thought he might die. "Just a small amount of levity, from a baker's son. It obviously didn't work."</p><p>She knew that if she continued to look at him she would break down, so she turned her back to him before speaking again. "The pies are almost done. I don't need your help." Her heart was thundering so loudly that she could barely hear her own words. She leaned against the counter to steady herself.</p><p>Renfield stood in the middle of the large kitchen, at a complete loss for words. In the time that he'd known her he had often been speechless, but never at a time when what he said could make some much difference in the rest of his life.</p><p>"You still haven't answered my question. Why are you here?" Words, without emotion, cut like a knife.</p><p>"Because I love you." He closed his eyes. "And because I'm sorry." The last words barely a whisper, but as he opened his eyes again he could tell that she had heard him. Kerri had wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged herself as if she were in tremendous pain. </p><p>He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small object he had found on the floor of his apartment. "And because I wanted to give you this." He held out his hand and prayed she would turn to face him.</p><p>It took several long moments of indecision before Kerri sighed deeply and turned around. She didn't look into his eyes, she couldn't bring herself to do that yet. She looked instead at his outstretched hand. What she saw there caused her to gasp and cover her mouth with her hand. In his hand he held one tiny golden star.</p><p>"If I could give you all the stars and moonlight in the sky I would gladly do it. But all I can give you is myself, flawed as I might be. I . . . I lost my way . . . for a little while . . . I needed . . . I thought I needed to . . . relive . . . the past. I realize now that what I need is to remember . . . the past, but live the present. I . . . can't do that . . . without . . . you." He hung his head as Kerri took the star from him. Just the slight touch of her fingers on his hand caused him to shudder. </p><p>When he looked up, Kerri was staring down at the tiny star in her hand. She continued to stare at the tiny golden object until large tears fell around it, like so many raindrops. She still did not look at him.</p><p>They stood that way, for what seemed to Renfield to be forever. He finally just couldn't take it any more. "Damn it, Kerri, look at me!" His words and his tone caused her to look up in shock. When he saw her face something truly died inside of him. He had done this to her, caused this pain, this anguish, and he hated himself for it. "I'm . . . so . . . sorry . . . Kerri. I . . . I never meant to hurt you." His words trailed of into silence. "I'll go now."</p><p>He turned away from her slowly, reluctant to say goodbye to this lovely woman. He had gotten almost all the way out of the kitchen when he heard her speak softly behind him.</p><p>"I . . . never . . . stopped loving you, Renny. I . . . I . . . just don't know . . . what . . . to do . . . "</p><p>He stood in her kitchen just staring at her. He wanted so desperately to take her in his arms and comfort her. She looked so small and hurt, and so adorable, covered in flour. Renfield reached for her, but she stepped back, afraid of his touch, afraid of the pain, and afraid of making herself vulnerable to him again.</p><p>Kerri was watching his eyes, undecided as to what she should do, when she saw the light come on. She'd seen that look before, Renny could be so childlike. When that particular light shone in his eyes it meant that he had had an idea. And he had some pretty wonderful ideas . . . </p><p>"Wait right here, don't move until I call you." He ran out of the room before she could open her mouth.</p><p>Kerri heard doors being opened and slammed shut, and what she thought might be closets being rummaged through. She thought she heard him say 'damn' again, but didn't believe he had said it once, let alone twice! Finally she heard something that sounded like 'well it will just have to do' and then silence. What in the world was he doing?</p><p>"Kerri, could you come here, please?"</p><p>As she walked through the kitchen door, Kerri was greeted with a sight that tore down the remains of the wall she had built around her heart. There was her sweet, clueless puppy Renny, lying on the floor, feet and legs tangled in the cord of her old Hoover vacuum.</p><p>"I thought . . . maybe . . . we . . . could . . . start over? Please?"</p><p>Since meeting Renny, Kerri had experienced laughter and tears, happiness and sorrow, joy and pain. Looking at his sweet face she knew that loving him would not always be easy, but it would certainly be - interesting. She just shook her head and sighed deeply. Then she smiled as she reached for his outstretched hand.</p><p>The End</p>
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